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| The Fear of Feeling | |
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
We desire to find the path to peace, joy and freedom. We strive to
feel lovable, worthy and secure. We know that if we do our inner
work and open to our connection with Spirit, we will feel all of
that. Yet we don't. We put it off for days or weeks. We stay stuck in
our misery or numbness. Why? What are we so afraid of if we
open to learning about loving?
I have searched for many years for the answer to this question.
Over and over I would find myself out of grace and joy and into
anxiety and stress. Each time it was because I failed to take care
of myself in some way.
The problem is that all feelings are in the same box. Pain is in
the same box as joy. We cannot be putting a lid on pain without
putting a lid on joy as well.
What is the pain we are striving so hard to avoid feeling? Most
people feel a lot of pain. We feel anxious, frightened, depressed,
hurt. Since we are often in pain, it doesn't seem to make sense
that we are, at the same time as we are feeling all this pain, also
avoiding pain. Yet that is exactly what we are doing.
As unhappy as we may be feeling, we are avoiding pain that we
believe is even greater than the pain we are feeling.
I have discovered that there are three feelings which most
people want to avoid at all cost: aloneness, loneliness and
helplessness.
Aloneness is what we feel inside when we are disconnected
from God. Loneliness is what we feel when we cannot connect
with another, either because our heart is closed, their heart is
closed, or both of our hearts are closed. Helplessness is what
we would feel if, when we want to connect with another and his
or her heart is closed, we accept that there is nothing we can do
to make them open their heart. Helplessness is what we feel
when we accept our lack of control over others.
When we were babies and small children, we couldn't allow
ourselves to feel these feelings. We could not have handled
them and may have died of despair. So we learned
many protections to avoid feeling these feelings.
The problem is that we still think we will die if we feel these
feelings, so we are still avoiding them. We avoid connecting with
God for fear God will not be there and we will feel alone. We get
angry, withdraw, eat, drink, take drugs, watch TV, get busy,
overwork and so on to avoid feeling the pain of our loneliness
and helplessness.
Yet loneliness in our society is unavoidable. There are so many
people who spend their lives with their hearts closed to avoid
their pain that it is impossible not to be around people whose
hearts are closed some of the time. If we choose to avoid feeling
our loneliness and helplessness, then we too will close our
heart. However, when we close our heart we close down the joy
too. Then we are stuck with the anxiety, fear, depression and hurt
that is endemic in our society.
You will not die if you open to feeling your loneliness and
helplessness. It is even quite tolerable if you hold your lonely
Inner Child (your feeling self) while bringing through love from
Spirit, for then you are not alone in your loneliness. The
willingness to feel the pain of loneliness and helplessness
opens the door to joy, peace, and freedom. The more you open
to spiritual help in your loneliness, the more you are able to
embrace the privilege of this sacred journey of evolving your
soul. There is great joy in the journey, even when there is
loneliness!
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of
eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By
You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?",
"Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do I Have To
Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE
Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or
mailto:margaret@i...
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