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| A Powerful Method For Healing Depression | |
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Kendra had been depressed on and off for the last three years
before consulting with me. "I've tried various medications and
they help somewhat, but I still feel depressed. I've tried
psychotherapy and it also helps a little but not enough for me to
feel happiness or peace inside. I hate feeling this way and I just
don't know what to do."
The first thing that I did with Kendra was to help her create a
personal source of spiritual guidance. I asked her to make up a
being who was very loving, wise and powerful - a man, woman
or animal to whom she could turn to, in her imagination, for help
and guidance. Kendra made up an older Indian medicine
woman whom she called Elder One.
Next I asked Kendra where in her body she felt the feeling of
depression. "In my heart and stomach. My heart and stomach
often feel so heavy and sad."
"Kendra, imagine that your feeling self, the part that is presently
depressed, is a child within. How old is this child?" She told me
she thought the child was around six.
"Now, imagine that you are sitting in a beautiful place in nature
with Elder One. Imagine that Elder One is surrounding you with
love so that you feel safe. Now imagine that little six-year old
depressed Kendra is also with you. Ask her how she feels about
you as her inner parent, her inner mom and dad. Ask her how
you are treating her that is causing her to feel depressed. Ask
her out loud."
"Okay. Little Kendra, how you you feel about me as a parent?
How am I treating you that is causing you to feel so depressed?"
"Now go inside and imagine that you are little Kendra and that
you are talking to you as the adult, the inner parent. What do you
as little Kendra want to say to adult Kendra? How does adult
Kendra treat you? What is adult Kendra doing that causes you to
feel so bad?"
Little Kendra: "I barely exist for you. You really don't care about
how I feel. You never stand up for me with other people. You
decide on things without ever asking me how I feel about it - like
having dinner with Kathy tonight. I don't want to have dinner with
Kathy. All she does is talk about herself and I just end up feeling
drained. But you don't care about how I feel. You don't want to
say no or tell Kathy the truth because she might feel hurt or
angry, but what about me? You never speak up for me with
Harold (her husband) either. I just feel like I don't exist in this
marriage, just like with Mom. You treat me just like Mom treated
me - like what I want and feel doesn't matter. Other people are
always more important than me. Of course I'm depressed! How
else would you expect me to feel?"
Kendra started to cry at this point, and little Kendra continued.
"I'm so mad at you! When are you going to care about me!"
"So," I said, "You are a caretaker with your husband and friends.
You take care of them but neglect yourself. You allow them to
control you without standing up for yourself. Can you see how
this would lead to depression?"
Kendra was quite stunned by this information. She had believed
that her depression was caused by outside events rather than by
how she was treating herself. She thought it was due to a
chemical imbalance and to her husband's controlling behavior.
She may have indeed had a chemical imbalance that resulted
from the stress of not taking care of herself, but the imbalance
was likely the result rather than the cause of her stress and
resulting depression. Her husband was indeed controlling but it
was her response to him and others that was the cause of her
depression, rather than her husband's or friends' behavior.
Kendra began to see that until she had the courage to take
loving care of herself, she would continue to be depressed.
Through practice, she learned to open to Elder One for guidance
about loving behavior toward herself. As she began to take loving
action for herself - for her Inner Child - her depression gradually
diminished until she was able to get off the medication. Now,
when she feels the depression coming up, she knows that there
is some way she is not taking care of herself. She speaks with
little Kendra to find out what it is and with Elder One to discover
the loving action. When she has the courage to take the loving
action, her depression goes away. Kendra has learned a
powerful, spiritually-based method for healing her depression.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of
eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By
You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?",
"Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do I Have To
Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE
Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or
mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com
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