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| Opposites Attract But Similarities Make Love Last | |
Opposites attract they say, but a lasting union is more
likely with someone similar to your self. If you are
single and searching for your Soul Mate, read on and
learn some tips for finding the ideal romantic partner for
yourself.
We are often attracted to our opposite, especially when we
are young or when we are unsure of ourselves. The reason
is that at some unconscious level we are trying to find in
another person the skills we lack. It is as if we love that
person, they will somehow fill in the missing gaps in our
personalities or our maturity. The problem is that you cannot
grow by osmosis. You can't just absorb what the other person
has taken several years to develop or what they may have been
blessed with by genetics. So relationships between opposites
generally fizzle out shortly, or at the worst linger for
decades providing a boring, or even hostile relationship for
the couple. Think about it, if you are opposites, what can
you talk about?
It is actually much more work to look for a sweetheart that
is a lot like yourself. This requires that you use
introspection, that you go on a journey of self-exploration.
Knowing yourself first makes it much easier for you to find a
partner who shares your ideals and interests. To begin this
process of self-exploration take out a sheet of paper and one
side list your strengths and on the other list your weaknesses.
Cover everything from physical to mental to spiritual.
Once you know yourself a little better, the next step is be
honest and clean up those traits that are unfinished or
undesirable. If you want a match that is lasting, you will
want a partner who has worked on his or her own personal
development and who has cleaned up her or his bad habits too.
If you think about it, this person will want the same of you.
If you have been a bit irresponsible about finances, get some
advice and restructure your savings and investment program.
If you have not attended to your health, clean out the fridge
and buy healthier foods and start an exercise program you can
live with. If your spiritual life is all in your head, do the
arduous work of finding a group of like-minded seekers and join
them. Our spiritual life grows best in the company of others.
If you take the time to get to know yourself, your strengths
and weaknesses, and if you take the time to improve yourself
and to become the person you have always wanted to be, you
will be more attractive to this same kind of person. If you
love art and music and historical novels, and you are healthy,
vibrant and spiritually alive, you will find this same type
of person attracted to you. If you love sports both as a
participant and a spectator, and you love to dance, and you
are developing a strong sense of responsibility to your
community, wouldn't you want the same of your partner and best
friend? If you love quiet evenings, long walks in the woods,
and deep conversation on the meaning of life, you will be
awfully lonely if you attract your opposite. So take the time
up front to get to know and develop yourself before embarking
on finding a sweetheart.
Remember too, that personal growth is a lifelong process and
to keep love alive, two people need to be engaged in this
process forever. If you get stuck along the way, use your
common sense and seek out the counsel of a psychologist who
specializes in relationship development and personal growth.
Copyright © 2002 Kathy J. Marshack, Ph.D., P.S.
Kathy J. Marshack, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist with over
twenty-five years of experience as a marriage & family therapist.
Visit her website -http://www.self-helpcentral.com, for more of
her practical self-help advice. Sign up for her free ezine
for the latest self-help information and special discounts on
wellness products at http://www.self-helpcentral.com/newsletter.htm.
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