| Are You Addicted To Your Activities? |  |
Activities - such as sports, creative projects, reading, work, TV,
meditation - can be a wonderful way to relax, express yourself, or
connect to yourself. Or they can be an addiction. How can you
know the difference?
* Angie would surf the channels whenever she felt stressed or
alone.
* Karen would lose herself in a book when things felt
overwhelming.
* Keith would retreat and meditate when his wife wanted to talk.
* PattyÕs work schedule left her little time at home.
* Carl spent more time in the garage fixing things than with his
family.
* PatrickÕs love of running was interfering with his family time.
Whether or not an activity is an addiction depends upon your
INTENT.
* When the intent of an activity is to avoid the pain of aloneness
and loneliness, it is an addiction.
* When the intent of an activity is to avoid the pain of rejection or
the fear of domination, it is an addiction.
* When the intent of an activity is to put off doing something you
donÕt really want to do but need to do, it is an addiction.
Whenever an activity is used as a way to avoid something -
painful feelings, difficult or boring tasks - it becomes an
addiction. ItÕs really no different than using substances such
alcohol, drugs, or food to avoid painful feelings or challenging
tasks. The problem with using addictions to avoid painful
feelings is that the feelings donÕt actually go away. They are just
numbed for the moment but are silently eroding oneÕs sense of
self. We can get away with it only for so long before it shows up
in some way - illness, divorce, depression, and so on. And
avoiding tasks means that the tasks pile up, eventually causing
the very stress we want to avoid. Our society is filled with ways to
avoid. Yet it is avoidance that leads to the very feelings we are
striving to avoid!
When the intent of an activity is to take loving care of yourself by
providing yourself with fun, creativity and expression, relaxation,
personal growth, spiritual growth, physical health and
well-being, then it is a loving action rather than an addiction. It all
depends on your INTENT.
Next time you want to participate in your favorite activity, you might
want to notice your intent. Do you want to relax and watch TV or
are you avoiding some difficult feeling or task? Do you find
yourself scheduling more work than you can really handle to
avoid dealing with aloneness, loneliness, or conflict with a mate,
or are you really loving your work and feeling fulfilled by it? Are
you exercising to support your health or to avoid feelings?
Once you become aware of using an activity to avoid, hereÕs what
you can do about it:
1)Welcome the feeling you are trying so hard to avoid. Pay
attention to the feeling - fear, loneliness, aloneness, agitation,
boredom, anxiety.
2) Make a decision to learn what YOU might be doing to cause
this feeling rather than continuing to avoid it.
3) Explore what you might be doing to cause this feeling. How
are you not taking care of yourself that is causing your painful
feeling? Are you procrastinating, judging yourself, or not standing
up for yourself in conflict? How are you avoiding responsibility for
your own well-being? Are you allowing yourself to be a victim,
waiting for someone else to make you feel better?
4) Once you understand what you are doing to cause your
distress, then you need to ask "What would be the loving action
for myself?" You are asking this question of your highest self, or
of your spiritual guidance if you are connected with a source of
guidance. If you open to learning about what is loving, ideas will
pop into your mind.
5) Now you need to take the loving action on your own behalf -
complete a task, stand up for yourself and speak your truth with
someone, and so on.
6) Re-evaluate how you are feeling. Are you feeling more
peaceful and more powerful? You will feel more peaceful if you
have taken the loving action. If you are not feeling better, donÕt
just turn back to your addictions. Look for another loving action
until you find what really makes you feel safe on a deep level, not
just the temporary pacification of an addiction.
You will find your addictions fading away as you learn to take
loving care of yourself.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of
eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By
You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?",
"Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do I Have To
Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE
Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com
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