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| Acceptance: Negating the Inner Critic | |
By Derek Ayre
http://www.ayrehypnotherapy.co.uk
The majority of clients who I deal with are suffering as a result
of a severe "inner critic". Symptoms can range from severe
phobias to deep depression.
Teachers and parents formulate the inner critic in the mind of a
young child. It is not that these "authorities" are wrong in
their teaching, because we have all be subjected to these
teachings that have its origins in the earliest annals of
society. In fact, it isn't until we can recognise that "right
and wrong" are value judgements that in many instances, has no
credence in reality, that we can move on.
Take the example of a child who in his early years witnesses a
strange ritual of getting rewarded for keeping his bed dry at
night. He would be subjected to statements such as "There's a
good boy!" and "You'll be having some sweets!" And then if on
an odd occasion he has an accident, perhaps in a public place, he
is subjected to a scolding. In other words he is rejected and has
to "be good" in order to gain approval again.
As the child grows into an adult, the outer critic (the
parental/teacher) manifests as an inner critic - a stream of
nagging thoughts (shouldism) that in extreme cases of anxiety,
goes on and on and on... For example, "If you do such and such,
something will happen.", "Because you did/said such and such, boy
are you for it now!"
Acceptance is what we all crave. Rejection, is what we all dread,
regardless of how we interpret the two words. But... Here lies
the resolution. It's the power of acceptance.
A Touch of Eastern Philosophy
Every thought, good or bad is part of us. If we can reach True
understanding and recognise that there is no "part", that we are
"at-one", we will recognise that when we try to reject an
undesirable thought/feeling, we are trying to reject ourselves.
Analogy
A good analogy here would be a glass full of water. What part of
the water is good or bad? If we try and get out the bad, we will
throw away the good. If we stir the bad (e.g.mud) at the bottom,
it will contaminate the clear water. Our bodies' are ninety per
cent water, and our spirits move just like water (fluid) and then
there's the truth that there is no separation. Body, mind and
spirit are really one.
The Power of Acceptance.
To accept a person exactly the way he/she is, will mellow and
transform that person. To reject him/her will embitter and cause
hatred that will be directed to him/herself or others.
Rejection was something that was feared more than death by
execution in primitive societies. So perhaps now, it can be
understood just how powerful these two actions are.
Acceptance and Rejection: Clarification
Care need to be taken here not to confuse acceptance with
indulgence.
Acceptance means to acknowledge, observe and where appropriate
communicate - communication by writing or speaking can aid
clarification. But one must feel "safe" with the recipient of
such a communication.
Indulgence means to react to/on the thoughts/impulses. This means
to either deny it and punish yourself for thinking such a thing,
or give in to the urges and impulses thus hurting self or others.
Acceptance is doing nothing. Just being. Being with the inner
situation. Observing it at deeper and deeper levels and gaining
an insight into the way that you got it constructed. And at some
point during the process, you will be able to "destructure" it
and a transformation will take place. It will be replaced by a
more positive attitude that you can choose.
Because, the inner critic is so ingrained in the subconscious
mind, acceptance takes practice, and sometimes needs the guidance
of a therapist. This is because paradox on top of paradox can
occur in the process and cause confusion.
Thanks for reading.
Derek
Derek Ayre has been a hypnotherapist & psychotherapist in the U.K.
since 1976, and works with clients both on and off-line.
http://www.ayrehypnotherapy.co.uk
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