| Myths And Facts About Anger |  |
Although anger is one of the most common emotions that
people have, it is the least understood. These phrases are
probably familiar to you:
"If someone hits you, hit "em back."
"Turn the other cheek."
"Don't get angry; get even."
Have you noticed how they contradict each other? That's
because anger is a very complex emotion. Attempts to
simplify it result in the following MISPERCEPTIONS:
1. That all anger is unhealthy or destructive
2. That anger is an all-or-nothing phenomenon
3. If you don't let your anger out, it builds up and
explodes out
4. That angry people yell and scream a lot
5. That anger management means keeping your mouth shut
===> Here are the facts:
1. NOT ALL ANGER IS UNHEALTHY OR DESTRUCTIVE.
Sometimes anger is definitely justified. For example, if
you have been betrayed by a friend, or if you have been
physically attacked by someone, or if there is a major
social injustice -- these are all times where anger is
appropriate. Biologically speaking, anger gets your
adrenalin going, and spurs you into action.
On the other hand, the hissy fits that people throw over
minor irritations are both unhealthy and destructive. Anger
has serious implications for your health. Research shows
that among all the risk factors for heart disease, chronic
anger is the most significant predictor -- more than
smoking, obesity and high blood pressure. Temper tantrums
and other fits of anger are rarely useful. In fact, they
erode not only people's respect for you, but also your own
self-respect.
2. ANGER IS NOT AN ALL-OR-NOTHING PHENOMENON.
Anger typically occurs in degrees, ranging from mild
annoyance to intense rage. Some people have a problem
labeling negative feelings. They consider any experience of
hostility as an intense, urgent crisis, even if it's just a
momentary frustration. Such people tend to have an
over-active "inner brat" that makes mountains out of
molehills.
3. IT IS NOT ALWAYS NECESSARY TO LET YOUR ANGER OUT.
Anger does not work like steam in a teakettle. It is not
necessary to release it in order to avoid explosion. While
it's true your stress level does increase when you dwell on
angry thoughts, you can reduce the stress without having to
resort to an outburst or tirade.
4. NOT ALL ANGRY PEOPLE YELL OR SCREAM
In fact, many people keep their anger to themselves, or so
they think. Even though they don't come right out and say,
"I'm mad at you," they show it in their behavior -- by being
"passive aggressive." They sulk; they have a "tone" to
their voice; they slam doors, etc. Such people have an
inner brat that I call "The Smolderer." You kind of know
they're angry, but you don't know exactly what they're angry
about.
5. ANGER MANAGEMENT DOES NOT MEAN KEEPING YOUR MOUTH SHUT.
Anger management involves keeping your inner brat from
saying or doing something that you'll later regret. It
involves calming yourself, making cool-headed assessments of
the situation, and finally taking sensible action. With
practice, this can be accomplished in a matter of seconds.
Effective anger management means learning to differentiate
what is truly a situation worth getting angry about, and
what is just your inner brat over-reacting. It also means
learning to express your anger directly and constructively,
without losing emotional control. Not only will you be less
stressed by your anger, but you will also get better
results.
--------------------------------------
Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA,
and author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for
Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" (Beyond Words
Publishing, 2001)
Visit http://www.innerbrat.com for more information, and
subscribe to her free, monthly Inner Brat Newsletter.
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